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356 pages, ebook
First published December 8, 2014
“Dear Nate…
I’m still waiting for you, just like I promised. Miss you a thousand times more than the last letter,
Charlotte”
“Dear Nate,
… It’s been years, Name, and in all that time, I’ve only received a handful of responses from you. I still love you, but I need you. I need you to tell me you love me too.
Love,
Charlotte”
“Dear Nate,
It’s been six years! …I’m just done, Nate. Done.
I love you. I will always love you, but for my sake and probably for yours too, I have to move on.
Yours,
Charlotte”
“Dear Charlotte,
… I come to you, on my knees, beseeching you for forgiveness to give me one more chance to show you that I am a man worthy of your heart. I will spend the rest of my days proving to you with my body, with my heart that I am the Nathan of the Charlotte and Nathan that we were meant to be...”
I had some vague idea Charlotte and I would end up together, but that was in the future. Her being sick, her nearly dying has changed things. But we aren't ready. I'm not ready.
I'd show her that she was mine and that we were meant to be together. I'd show her that there wouldn't be anyone else she'd meet who would ever fit her better than me.
I'll keep saying [her name] until I can't feel anything any longer. Not pain, humiliation, shame, or even...love. I just want to stop feeling.
I want her first time with me to be something she remembers forever. I want to imprint myself on her so that no matter where she goes, she can feel me, smell me.
"When I close my eyes, I see you in every position I've ever imagined. You sitting on my face. You riding me. You on your knees while I'm fucking you like an animal. You covered in soap and water as I eat you out and then fuck you against the tile. I've had you in my mind in every way possible and some not possible ones. I've dreamed of fucking you standing, sitting, bent over, and raised up. I've fantasized it all but none of it--none of it--came even close to what it feels like to be inside you.